Happy Star Wars day, everyone! Today’s post has absolutely nothing to do with George Lucas’ famous franchise but my generation was one that grew up in the wake of the original trilogy, receiving every ounce of second-hand excitement imaginable in the run up to Episode One.
And, since I was young enough to enjoy that movie and the games that it spawned, Star Wars has been a positive part of my life for as long as I can remember. I may not be as obsessed with it as some reviewers but I have a lot of respect for the series, all the same, and I just have to acknowledge that today’s date is may the fourth.
Because, now that I’m coming to the end of my third bottle, I feel like I should show you how I use the stuff.
You will need:
2 tablespoons of mayonnaise
1 tablespoon of Daddy Cool’s Fatalii Attraction
1 teaspoon of chives
And 1 semolina bread sub
Though you can, realistically, use any form of bread. That’s simply what I prefer for this recipe, since its soft and squishy texture compliments the smooth and creamy filling.
Let’s talk about that filling for a moment. The way I make this involves two eggs and a microwave and, if you ask just about any other cook, they’ll tell you not to microwave eggs.
Eggs cooked in a microwave aren’t great – They come out simultaneously spongy and rubbery. Their texture isn’t the most palatable, to say the least, and, if you aren’t careful, they can easily pop and spray themselves everywhere. So why am I making them that way?
Because it’s quick. Because it lets me cook my sauce into the eggs. Because it doesn’t force me to mix white and yolk, like scrambling would. And, most importantly, because the texture of the eggs doesn’t matter. I’m only going to mush them into mayo, anyway.
If you like your egg mayo chunky, then you can try your hand at tweaking this recipe to use hard-boiled eggs, if you’d like. It’d certainly be a way to make it more fancy. Me, though, I enjoy smaller pieces of egg for a gentler consistency, over all, and prefer my mouthful to mouthful variation to come in the form of egg colour.
And, as far as fanciness goes, I abandoned that notion when I found out how disappointing quail eggs were.
So, now that I’ve explained my motivation, let’s get on with the cooking, shall we?
Crack two eggs into a non-metallic bowl and drizzle in that tablespoon of Fatalii Attraction, doing your best to avoid touching the yolk with it. Add a pinch of salt and beat the sauce into the whites of your eggs, slightly, ensuring an even distribution.
Do so using a fork and, again, leave your yolks alone. You don’t want to break them or they’ll spill into the whites. Just poke each one twice from above to pierce them and allow pressure to escape. The results should look something like this:
The yolks very much still intact but now much, much less likely to explode. The perfect balance.
So, when you’re ready, shove the whole bowl into the microwave and set it for thirty seconds.
And, upon its removal, you’ll see that the whites have solidified around the edges. Break these bits up with your fork and stir them into the rest. At this point, there’s no need to worry about the yolks, anymore, but don’t go out of your way to break them.
Give the mix another thirty seconds and beat it up again, this time mixing everything together with the chives.
Now heat the bowl oncemore and, if no liquid remains, you’re done. But, depending on the strength of your microwave, a fourth round may be required. Either way, here’s what to expect:
Large chunks of marbled, semi-fluffed egg, packed with the flavour of both your herbs and Daddy Cool’s fantastic, slightly mustardy, rather fruity, somewhat citrussy, almost savoury but definitely completely unique and delicious fatalii sauce.
They’re pretty tasty as is but, as I mentioned earlier, the texture’s a little off. A problem that’s easily fixed, however, by breaking them up into tinier bits and adding a smooth, creamy egg sauce that really compliments today’s chilli one.
Yet, before we go and do that, our eggs need a moment to cool. Not to room temperature, per se, since the warmth only adds to the enjoyment, but at least enough to not melt the mayo. So set the eggs aside and slice the tomato.
Cut it into nice, thick segments and halve your bread. Then it should be just about time to combine the lot and eat:
But the end flavour is almost indescribable. The egg and tomato are there and so, too, is the Fatalii Attraction, yet no one aspect of that sauce (or the herb that I paired with it) stands out.
Adding mayo has mellowed out every aspect and it no longer seems mustardy, carroty, mangoey, citrussy or garlicky at all. Everything just comes together into its own, distinctive taste that carries throughout the entire sandwich. That adds a firm yet gentle body to an otherwise fairly average, egg-based lunch and turns it into something incredible.
Something so good that I almost forget its chilli, until a late and dull but forceful kick hits me with the very bottom of my
at the upper back of my mouth.
Not hot and, in fact, barely even worthy of medium, yet unmissable all the same.
Or perhaps, on the opposite end of the spectrum, you’ve already stumbled upon this recipe and need a way to make it new again?
If so, try replacing between a quarter and a half of your mayonaise with a chipotle sort to highlight his use of smoked garlic. Or some long pepper or jalapeño powder to bring forth the flavour of my chives. Either one will put an exciting twist on this already excellent meal.