Translated from Pirate

Greetings, spice lovers, today is talk like a pirate day* and I’m sure you know what that means.

It means it’s time for me to put in a little extra effort and bring you a themed review of another special Reading item.

But, this isn’t that review. This is a rough translation of it. The real review I wrote for you took far more time and effort, learning how to not only talk like a pirate but also spell so.

I would, therefore, love for you to check out today’s true post and appreciate my working hard for your amusement.

Some of you, however, may struggle to read its more seafaring speak so I have included this version for you. If you’re sure that you don’t wish to read this review the way it was intended then, by all means, read on.

Today we’re looking at the Funky Monkey from Simpson’s Seeds.

2017-09-11 11.19.25

A sauce chosen to represent the second most common of a pirates’ animal companions.

Why monkeys? I don’t know. For a properly informed answer, you’d have ask a real pirate but they seem to have been almost as enamoured with them as with parrots. And yes, “monkey” might have been used as slang for an amateur cannon hand but, in fiction at least, the real thing seems just as common.

But this isn’t a sauce set to blow your head off with the cannons. I’m expecting heat, given that the Scoville rating of its chilli places it just below a Habanero or Scotch Bonnet, but nothing above a standard hot. Nothing “extra”, let alone super.

It’s a much rarer chilli than either of those, though. One highly sought after by hobby level growers for its flavour and distinctive, black seeds but generally not considered financially viable due to how long the plants take to produce peppers.

Yet here it is, looking like it’s nothing. Wearing only a plain paper label and with only a couple of gold trimmings to its heat shrink seal to suggest that it is anything even remotely special. Black lettering covers the front of the bottle, listing out the sauce’s ingredients but we’ll get our truest idea of its quality from tasting it.

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And I get a lot from it. The oriental aroma is immediate and its taste follows suit. Both are sweet and sour and obviously heavy on the orange. Both are really very strong.

Yet, while those overtones try to overshadow the rest, this sauce does have a fair bit more going on. Sweet limes, honey and a hint of onion all provide subtle undertones to the Funky Monkey, with mandarins also present to enhance the orange. Unfortunately, though, I can barely taste any of the rocoto chilli.

It fire is there as a lingering

2.5/10

Heat

that the sauce leaves as it passes through my mouth but it seems to provide nothing more. At least, not that I, having never before had chance to try the pepper, can pick up on.

I’m decently happy with the sauce but, having been rather excited by the chilli it used, I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. A large part of why I bought this sauce was to try the chilli and I don’t feel like I’ve done that.

It’s also VERY sweet and fast flowing, both from the bottle and through my mouth.

Yet, while I’ve given my opinion on the sauce, there is one last thing that remains for me to say before I close out this review: What I’d do with this sauce.

I’d put it over chicken, duck and pork, as well as spring rolls and stir fry – both rice and noodles. I might try it over white fish and would likely do so with a fair few different mushroom dishes.

I won’t be using it too regularly but it won’t just be sitting in the cupboard, either. It’ll certainly see the light of day from time to time.

*For those who don’t know, this is a holiday that began in 1995 as a way to improve a game of tennis but, helped by newspaper writers, the internet and even the satirical Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, it is now celebrated world wide, every september the 19th.

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